My kingdom for a nose!
by Regsd
Summary: It wasn't that Lord Voldemort missed his nose - he just needed it at the moment. After all, there's only one thing you can use a nose for...


**Hello people!**

**I don't know what possessed me to write this story... or well, I do... I have to much time to think, which actually can be quite bad -.- For some reason this thought just wouldn't leave me alone and since I have the lovely FF at my disposal I thought I'd pass the thought on, so that you'll can be like this o.O once you've read the story... Trust me, this is deep. Very deep!**

**Here you go: What happens when my brain is bored... *twitch* not a good thing *twitch twitch* **

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My kingdom for a nose!**

Lord Voldemort studied his face in the long narrow mirror on the wall. His gaze noting every single crease, bump and curve until it finally settled in the middle. On the two oblong slits. On his missing nose.

It wasn't that he _missed_ his nose – of course not! Just the thought was absurd. Him. Lord fucking-Voldemort missing something? In your nightmares. If it had been his nostrils... See that would have been slightly more problematic.

A whimper broke his train of thoughts. Without moving his eyes from his no-nose he lazily swung his wand back of his shoulder. A snap was heard, then another whimper and then silence.

And it wasn't that he needed it either. What was a nose other than a little bone, skin and cartilage? It wasn't even a useful facial feature. You couldn't move it, it always got filled with disgusting _stuff_ and it hurt like a bitch if someone hit it. Not that anyone had over hit Lord Voldemort. Not. Ever.

Besides, just look at the snake. They survived just fine without a nose. And they weren't Lord Voldemort's favourite animals for nothing. Hell, a lot of animals probably did fine without a nose. Like... like.. like... for some reason he could only think of animals with abnormally big noses. Like an elephant... or a rhinoceros.

Fine! There was only one bloody thing one could use a nose for. And of course it was the one thing he needed. And even worse; he couldn't even use his Death Eaters. Or torture anyone...

*whimper*

*wand lash*

Well, he could torture someone... It just didn't help. Other than to relieve a bit of his suppressed anger.

He almost felt like hissing. This was another thing the Potter-boy and that old fool Dumbledore had over him! Not the nose of course. No he didn't miss it. At all. He just needed it at the moment. Big difference.

*whimper*

That was it. Couldn't that bloody guy just shut up and suffer in silence while he philosophized over the great mystery of the nose? Was that too much to ask for?

*whimper*

Apparently. Turning around he looked at the man on the floor in disgust. His face was more or less unrecognisable. It was his own fault. He had _those..._

"Crucio!"

A minute passed. He still pointed his want at the man who was now twisting in pain.

2 minutes. Damn he hated that man. And Potter. And Dumbledore. And everyone who'd ever entered this building.

3 minutes. He turned his wrist just the slightest bit and the pain intensified. _That'll teach you! Muhaha!_

4 minutes. His concentration was suddenly broken when the bell over the door started to ring and in stepped Lucius Malfoy.

At first he looked a bit confused, his gaze wandering from the man on the floor, to Voldemort and to the rest of the destroyed shop. Then suddenly realisation dawned.

Doing his best to avoid stepping in all the glass on the floor he walked over to Lord Voldemort, stopping 2 meters away from him and bowing deeply.

"My Lord," He began, but was interrupted by a whimper from the optician.

"Avada kedavra!" A green light momentarily filled the room and the man slumped to the floor.

"My Lord," Lucius Malfoy tried again, "May I humbly suggest contact lenses instead?"

Lord Voldemort's red eyes narrowed dangerously. Lucius held his breath and braced himself for a curse, but suddenly Voldemort whipped around and left "Gandalf's Glasses: The wizard optician".

Lucius hurried after him With good reason.

As soon as Voldemort was out of the store, he turned around and annihilated the optician's from the face of the earth.

Bloody Potter! Bloody Dumbledore! Fuck their noses and their ability to wear glasses.

_Getting old sucks!_

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_**Hope you enjoyed it and that you all look like the aforementioned o.O You have to agree that there's some hold in my story - I mean, you need a nose to wear glasses and Voldy don't have a nose ergo he can't wear glasses! **

**Please review and thanks for reading!**

**- Regsd**


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